Happiness is completely in your control. By focusing on the solution rather than the problem, you will generate lots more positive feelings. Here are some examples of situations with specific tips and tricks that will lift your mood right away.
Situation #1: You expected someone to be helpful to you, but they did not offer to help.
What you tell yourself that creates hurt feelings: I can’t believe that they are so selfish. They don’t care anything about me. No one cares about me.
What you can tell yourself to create positive feelings: Sometimes people are busy or get distracted. There are other people who can help me. I’ll make a list and make some phone calls.
Situation #2: Your significant other did not remember something important that you said and you had to repeat it the next day.
Here’s how to create negative feelings: You never listen to me. You always put everyone else ahead of me.
Helpful hint: Refrain from using “never” or “always.” Frankly, absolutes are often not based in fact. You’re setting the person up to counter with the one time that they paid attention. Also, basic communication usually goes better if you don’t start with “You did this” and “You did that.”
What to do instead: It’s more productive to tell the person that you are angry because what was important to you was basically ignored by them. Yes, it’s okay, in fact, it’s often helpful to feel angry and to express anger. Try saying, “I’m angry because…” You’re empowered!
Situation #3: Your job doesn’t pay what you think you are worth.
Self-talk that is not helpful: My job sucks. I have to be there early in the morning and work really hard and I can’t even pay all of my bills. Life just isn’t fair.
Much better to tell yourself: I’m going to start looking around for another job. I see that Costco and Target and Amazon are paying $15.00 an hour. I think I’ll apply there.
Or: I think this is a wake-up call telling me that it’s time to get a skill so I can make more money. I’ll check into the technical college tomorrow and see what they offer.
Ask yourself what action is more likely to get you what you want and go for it! You can make it happen! I’m cheering for you!